La horde (2009) - How Not To Survive In A Crisis

Claude Perron, Jean-Pierre Martins, Eriq Ebuoany, Antoine Oppenheim

by Daver!

Tell me, dear reader, are you familiar with the words of Shan Yu? There is a lesson of the warrior poet that is most appropo: "Live with a man forty years. Share his home, his meals. Speak on every subject. Then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano's edge.  And on that day, you will finally meet the man."

Now, switch out the volcano for a zombie apocalypse and you have the French horror film, La horde, or The Horde for the English-speaking audience.

CAUTION - SPOILERS AHEAD!

Crooked cops Ouessem (Martins) and Tony (Oppenheim) find out this out the hard way when they 'finally meet' their longtime teammate Aurore (Perron), in the middle of the worst night of their lives. The film opens at a funeral for a fellow officer, with the squad paying their respects to the officer's widow. That night they illegally raid drug dealer Adewale's (Ebuoany) hideout in a dilapidated apartment high rise, seeking vengeance for their comrade. And they fail. Badly. But before they're executed, with neither backup or anyone knowing to look for them, they're saved by the least welcome of interventions: the zombie apocalypse. So these two groups, the cops and Adewale's gang, must work together to escape the building and the namesake Horde gathering outside, for a chance to survive.

Internal Affairs can't help you now.

Yeah, no. They're separated not even ten minutes later by rampaging ghouls, and this is where Aurore's true character comes through: of a cold-blooded psychopath. Tony learns this when Aurore executes him for being unknowingly infected by a bite. Aurore doesn't tell him this, despite noticing the infection spreading like fractured glass on his shoulder. His thoughts on the matter are irrelevant, Tony is just an obstacle. All she tells him before pointing her gun at him is that only one thing matters to her, the baby she's carrying. A baby fathered by the dead officer, whose widow was none the wiser when she met them face-to-face. But that's a lie, there's one other thing that she wants. Vengeance against Adewale.

Ouessem realizes her true nature with Tony's death, killed by a headshot right in front of him by the pursuing Aurore. He rages at her that their raid was her fault, that her lover only attempted bringing down Adewale to support her and their child, but can't bring himself to shoot down the last of his squad, his "family." And she throws this in Ouessem's face.

On ne passe pas, motherfuckers!

In the end, she and Adewale are the only ones to escape the building. Ouessem is bitten and stays behind to buy them time, in one of the most bad ass death scenes ever in a horror film. Adewale's gang is long dead, having turned on him only to wind up as zombie and zombie chow. But no sooner are they free and clear does Aurore put two bullets in the back of Adewale's head. And the very last thing that the audience hears before credits is the Horde, drawn by the sound of gunfire, rapidly bearing down on a virtually catatonic Aurore.

Left with two options, the chance of survival for herself and her unborn baby, or revenge for her lover, there really is no choice. Surviving would have required empathy for another person, and she was incapable of that.  Aurore's moral compass only had one direction, what was good for her. Perfect for a crooked cop, but literally suicidal in the zombie apocalypse.

Lots of my friends have devoted some thought to how they'd handle the end of civilization as we know it. The most popular of the scenarios they've discussed is, of course, the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Barricading your neighborhood for sieges, looting warehouse stores, making a run for a farm in North Dakota, or lone-wolfing it Mad Max style are all ideas for survival. But for any team efforts, it's essential that your crew knows who they're dealing with before being dangled over the proverbial fire. Aurore's partners never really did, and they all paid the price.

Yves Pignon is back, bringing justice to the streets!

That's it for now, readers. Come on back when I have something less gory but just as gut-wrenching, romantic drama. Till then, here's a senior with a Browning machine gun.

Horror Express (1973) - I Find Your Lack Of Faith Disturbing.

Starring: Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, and Telly fucking Savalas.

by Daver!

Picture, if you will, that H.P. Lovecraft did a rewrite of "Murder on the Orient Express," and changed the culprit to the title character from "Trog!" Go on, try and picture it. Once your head stops hurting, you'll understand a little about what's in store with this lesser-known gem of Hammer horror.

For horror fans, Hammer Films is synonymous with Christopher Lee's rendition of Count Dracula. He plays terrific villains! Getting to watch him in a heroic-ish role is a refreshing change.

The lost post credit stinger to "The Shining."

 The score's like this: Lee plays Prof. Saxton, an action anthropologist who discovers a frozen ape man in the mountains of China, circa 1906, and boxes it up to go home with him on the Trans-Siberian railway.  But surprise, the frozen ape man is neither frozen, nor really an ape-man. It breaks free, and soon enough the bodies hit the floor with bloody white eyes and brains smooth as pink Jello but twice as empty. Joining him is Peter Cushing as rival scientist Dr. Wells, and Telly Savalas as the least Russian Cossack ever, Capt. Kazan. Also along for the ride is Sylvia Tortosa as Polish Countess Irina, George Rigaud as her father the Count, and their hanger-on Father Pujardov played by Alberto de Mendoza.

Rasputin Lite. Zero calories, zero backbone.

Ah, the good Father. He starts off the film praying over the first victim of the ape-man at the train station and calling it the work of Satan, but the moment he actually meets the perpetrator face-to-face he pledges his servitude to what he believes is the Devil himself. And why wouldn't he think it's the Devil? The murderer is in fact an alien energy being, stranded by accident on prehistoric Earth while travelling through the cosmos with its race. To survive, it merged with whatever organism it could find via the eyes, stealing its memories and knowledge, and transferring to new hosts in this fashion for millions of years while seeking a way home. So, from a certain point of view, this entity fell from Heaven at the dawn of time, and has walked the earth stealing souls and possessing vessels, even raising its victims as a fucking zombie army, seemingly unstoppable. And as the film progresses, we get to know Pujardov and understand why he'd drop Christianity like a live grenade.

The monk comes across as a deeply submissive personality, adhering to his faith out of obedience rather than actual faith. He's fully dominated by the Count, later revealed by the alien to have humiliated the monk on a regular basis in the Countess' presence. It's also revealed that he would have happily abandoned his vows for the Countess' affections. When the entity's rampage begins, the monk simply attaches himself to the stronger, most dominating personality. You don't get much more dominating than an entity that will wear you like a new suit just by staring at you long enough.

Getting back to the film overall, for a movie that started out like an Agatha Christie novel, it developed into what I thought was a genuinely disturbing story of cosmic horror. An ancient alien entity, amoral and fiendishly intelligent,  is awakened from a deathlike state in defiance of known natural science, and pursues unknowable goals for its time. It kills in a gruesome yet distinctive fashion, effectively microwaving its victims with their bleached white eyes like a cooked egg and bleeding from every oriface.  The alien special effects, some are better than others. The ape man looks like a

Uh... Spoilers?

man in a suit, but once it jumps to fresher hosts, the glowing red eye prosthetics used for whoever is hosting it, are effective in unsettling the audience. The sense of dread, that the entity could be anywhere or anyone, easily allows the audience to overlook certain details, such as Savalas playing a Cossack sent on orders from the Russian government to investigate the incidents aboard the train. It's an odd casting choice, but one you can't take seriously. And watching Lee and Cushing's characters working together instead of trying to pound a stake in the other's chest was a delight.

Though there were a few complaints, I enjoyed this movie. Its budget showed, but it was still an effective story. Go on, watch it sometime. It's public domain now, so you
can see it anywhere, even on YouTube.

No Russian accent?
Bad Kojack, no lollipop!

That's it for now, come on back next time when I... figure out what next to watch and write about. There's a lot to catch up on, folks. Till then, enjoy this little bit of Savalas.

No more taking movies at face value...

Howdy folks, Daver here. Some of you may have noticed that my movie blog "Movies at Face Value" is no longer in existence. A few of you. Ok, that one guy in back. Hey, that's my seat! Get out NOW.

Where was I. Right, the old blog. So, my friend Katie was actually in charge of that one. Well, real life intrudes, and when the fire goes out then what can you do. The blog hadn't been updated for months, so presumably she pulled the plug for lack of interest.

But I still wanted to write and review and shtuff! So here we are, a new blog, new title, and digging deeper than face value of movies that catch my interest. So nothing's really changing, for those of you who were actually reading. It'll be fun, trust me!

Now then, I'll be taking my seat back, in the back row. Ok, just between you and me, the new blog title comes from Rocky Horror shadowcasts. See, part of their callbacks is yelling out "FUCK THE BACK ROW!" So, being inspired by Batman: The Animated Series and Kevin Conroy's "I. AM. BATMAN!" line, one night at a show I replied, "I AM THE BACK ROW!" It amused me, what the hell. And nobody else has that as a review column title. So I'm running with it.

Let's get to it, aye?